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Control May Not Be Everything But Please Don't Try To Take It Away From Me (Or - I Want To Hit The Emergency Stop Button Instead Of Hitting You)
This may surprise you but I am usually reasonably easy going.  I don't lose my temper very easily but watch out when I do lose it - things can get very interesting (and not necessarily in a good way) for the person who has upset me.  Don't worry - I don't get physically violent with anybody, instead I get verbally violent (they get argued with to the point of them wanting me to disappear permanently).

The best ways to get me to lose it are to make me feel patronised and/or to make me feel as though you are trying to take control of me for whatever reason.

(I saw something on Facebook a while back which might give you a clue as to how best to deal with me in the event of you desiring to talk me into - or out of - something.  "I am Dutch - let's save time and you just agree I am right".  Well, I am half Dutch but the same still applies.)

I suppose my big thing about not surrendering control to anybody comes from never feeling I had control over my life when I was younger.  Authority figures usually seemed to make important decisions for me without actually involving me in the discussion.  I can still remember a couple of instances with a certain teacher (who will remain nameless) where I ended up feeling as though I might as well end it all for all the stress I ended up feeling nearly every single time I dealt with them at school.  I still haven't forgotten about the non-appearing computer (which would have been very helpful), or the time when they successfully (yet unknowingly) managed to convince me that my life was not worth living at that point in time by the simple action of telling me that I couldn't leave the school I was at - even though I knew for a fact that a boy two years above me had been transferred to the school I wanted to go to.  (Maybe the second incident was partly my fault because I wasn't confident enough to explain why I wanted to swap schools - bullying and an inability to cope with the way some of the teacher's colleagues were treating me were the main reasons.  Although I was pleased with myself for knocking the wind out of their sails.  They went from shouting at me to almost a stunned silence when I told them I wanted to leave.)

(I still felt nervous around them the few times I saw them after I left school.  There again - that might have had something to do with the fact I was on their "turf".)

As a result - you can advise me, you can gently "nudge" me towards the decision you would like me to make (in order for that to work you really have to make me think it is my decision - sometimes easier said than done).  However, the minute you tell me to do something or not to do it, my first reaction is going to be to go on the defensive and argue with you.  I will make it very easy for you to work out how best to argue with me when you have told me what you think I should do - just walk away in silence.  Don't bother trying to explain your side of the situation, don't bother giving me a list of reasons you think I might regret not following your "advice", just don't bother speaking to me until I decide to speak to you.  You never know - I may eventually come round to your way of thinking in my own time.  However, you will find out extremely quickly if I think you have tried to tell me what to do - even if that wasn't your exact intention.

Honestly?  Your best plan is to give me options.  I can work with options - especially if I can talk them through with you without you playing the Great I AM.  (This includes you apparently deciding how I am going to feel if I follow my intended course of action without allowing me to explain why I think you are wrong.  You may find out that I agree with you but for the exact opposite reason to the one you come up with.)

It was quite funny on Sunday when I was talking to one of my friends.  They reminded me of an offer they had made some time ago.  I didn't know how to tell them that I didn't feel pressured into taking up their offer - in fact - I felt like they were just being their usual kind and friendly self.  (I intend to take them up on the offer as it happens.)

Oh - the reason for me typing this blog post???  You can blame Dr Punch-up (sorry - Dr Panchal) of Glenfield Hospital for hitting just about every raw nerve I have got on the subject of being patronised and ordered around (not forgetting only allowing me to give half an answer to one of his questions - I nearly cheered when he looked at me after I had finished my answer and said "can I speak?".  That really cheered me up.).

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