Did you hear that loud bang when you clicked on this blog post??? You didn't??? Oh good - in that case my world is allowed to dock in yours for a while. Thank you for your patience and understanding - I will not disturb you for very long. In fact, I just wanted to say "hi" and gve you a heartfelt "Thank You" hug.
If you did hear a loud crash as you clicked on here - please accept my apologies for the damage but - my world was trying to make some space for itself in your busy solar system. A solar system which appears to have only one planet and a few moons (the planet being you and the moons being your friends). You are the ones I want to annoy the most.
Think of it as me getting my revenge on you for the aggravation your unthinking comments, your habit of blocking my path with anything you can lay your hands on, your joyful glee about that PowerPoint presentation which just gives me a headache when I attempt to focus on it, your colourful signs which I need a microscope to read, etc, cause me.
I come from the Planet Ink (inhabitant = one very angry, upset, disappointed, lonely, Alien). I try to come in Peace but you have a nasty habit of blocking me (sometimes literally) - which makes me feel unwanted so I sometimes try to make your world more habitable for me. For reasons which I honestly do not understand - this seems to cause you to derrange yourselves more often than not.
In fact, you have no idea how unwanted you sometimes make this Alien feel.
I have collated all the data and run it through my computers - and I think I know what the problem is.
You see - when I was a young Alien I was taught that I should act as much like you as I possibly could. Apparently, it would make me easier for you Earthlings to accept??? Yeah - right - the Alien Teachers got that one so wrong it was unbelievable. Or maybe I just became too good at morphing into something you find a tad more - shall we say - palatable???
I forgot - they were not Alien Teachers (although - looking back at my experiences in the classrooms of some of them - I am not so sure - some of those teachers seemed to come from a completely different planet from the pair of us - but that is another story). They were Earthling Teachers (mostly) - with Earthling minds and experiences. I must admit to having some success interfacing with one of those strange beings but I think that is because he let me write and mostly left me to my own devices - I am still trying to delete one Earthling Teacher from my Memory Chip but they still keep coming back like a persistent virus. Just don't talk to me about working out the volume of a solid cube by counting squares I can hardly see.
Back to the point.
Dear Earthling - I know you probably don't want me in your orbit any more than I particularly want you in mine. However, circumstances are such that we have to spend at least some time interfacing - so - I decided to tell you about some small steps you could take to make your world a little easier for me to dock into. (You know - so we can avoid nasty collisions like the one we had when I entered your orbit a few minutes ago???)
All I ask for is a little patience when I do not act exactly as you expect me to. The reason for this is usually caused by you doing something which means I have a lot (and I do mean a lot) of calculations to run through my programming - and I really hate that subject you know as mathematics or arithmetic (it really makes my head hurt).
If I ask you to read something out to me it is not because I am illiterate (after all, I can compute two of your languages - at the same time if I need to) - it is because the size and/or colour of print you have chosen to use makes it rain in my world. Rain on Planet Ink only happens if I cannot do something which you can.
Putting obstacles in my path - unexpected tables and chairs where I want to walk, a "Berlin Wall" of racks blocking a shop entrance, vehicles parked mostly on the pavement, etc - just starts thunderstorms in my world. Thunderstorms are definitely not good. The lightening plays no end of havoc with the programming of all the systems on Planet Ink.
As for your extremely unhelpful attitude when I ask for your assistance in making my journey through your world easier for the pair of us??? Have you ever tried to survive the biggest storm ever to swamp an entire Planet over and over again??? Trust me - it is no fun. Especially when you think the last storm was the last one ever - only to be disappointed again and again.
I would like to invite you onto Planet Ink to experience the kind of life I am most comfortable with. OK, so the blurriness may take a bit of getting used to - as well as the problems with angles, etc. However, I can guarantee you one thing. If you were to decide to spend some time in my world I would treat you with the utmost respect and try to make your transition as easy as possible. In fact, I would go out of my way to make you feel welcome. And - no - I wouldn't grumble if I had to be patient as you made the same mistake over and over again. After all, I would want you to feel at home on Planet Ink - so much so that you tell your friends and family about the lovely time you had. Maybe you could take some ideas back to Earth with you and use them to make it easier for another Alien to dock their Planet with yours in future??? I would be so pleased if you did.
I have to go now as I think I have taken up too much of your time already.
Take really good care of yourself.
Inky (from Planet Ink)
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